Sweetie, let's just have some bolly and a bitch through Vogue

Wendy Felton at glossed over undertook the formidable task of reading Vogue's September issue cover-to-cover in one go for her sixth annual Vogue live blog.  It's well worth a read and far more delightful, charming, and entertaining than the magazine issue itself.

It is in this spirit that it seemed an opportune time to recycle revisit my own sizing up of the 2009 September behemoth:

Girl, you better werq!  Fashion Week (originally posted September 11, 2009)


I cancelled my Vogue subscription a while ago, but they keep sending me magazines.  I recently received the September issue, and while thinner than last year's, it's still not something you want to drop on anything wee or delicate.  Let's take a look at the issue, and how it measures up to various things in my apartment ...


It's   definitely smaller than a 14 oz. box of Cheerios.  Also, it will not help you lower your cholesterol.

Advantage: Cheerios

It takes 2 seasons of Supernatural on DVD to stack up to the September Vogue; however, Jensen Ackles may be prettier than Charlize Theron.

Advantage: Supernatural

You need almost three copies of Frank Herbert's Dune series to equal one Vogue.    You might think Vogue has the edge here, but I'll actually read the Dune books more than once.

Advantage: Dune   

Vogue is almost as large as the cast iron ebelskiever pan, and certainly as heavy.  But if you pour batter onto Vogue and place it on a gas stove, all you will succeed in doing is burning the kitchen down.

Sadly, while Vogue may offer 584 stylish steals and smart splurges, it will not offer me delicious pancake balls.

Advantage: ebelskiever pan

Sorry Vogue.   Better luck next year.

#Musicmonday: Melo-m "Final Countdown"

Presented in honor of my last week at NG.

Shakespeare in Celebrity Voices

It's a Stampede! Link Roundup - I'll tumblr for ya edition

Suri Cruise and her biting fashion commentary is putting the Hollywood sandbox set on notice.

People want to believe that Harper Beckham and I are going to be rivals. This could not be further from the truth. I have no qualms with well-dressed, well-mannered young celebrities—it’s the slovenly little miscreants I take offense with. (And if you think I’m going to be jealous of a baby’s wardrobe, let me just remind you that I have invested $100,000 of Tom’s money in my shoe collection.)

Suri's Burn Book

If author Cormac McCarthy wrote achingly spare and atmospheric Yelp reviews instead of novels, they would sound something like this:

Paplote Mexican Grill 

Mission - San Francisco, CA Cormac M. | Author | A dusty home at the end of a road, NM

 Two stars

The young cowboy lies in the afternoon sun, gut shot. The bitter tang of cordite and blood mingles in his mouth. In his hand, a pearl handled revolver, still warm. He lies propped against the lone cottonwood. A mile distant, dust trails mark a coming reckoning. Three riders, maybe more. 

His eyes shift upward to a circling vulture, a sentinel of inevitability. The blood is almost black. He has another hour at most. The pain comes in waves, lingering like the burn of bad whiskey. One bullet left in the Colt. 

Something as yet unheralded has died when a quesadilla comes on a spinach tortilla.

Yelping with Cormac by EDW Lynch.

This tumblr is my spirit animal.

ANIMALS TALKING IN ALL CAPS by the fabulously funny and prolific Justin Valmassoi.

I'm also pretty sure he was at Nicki and Mark's birthday party.

And while not a tumblr, I do feel the need to mention Cutting Open An Animal And Crawling Inside to Survive A Storm In the Wild.  I've written about this blog before, but after "a year in a concrete wasteland ducking into liquor stores to survive storms", it's back with advice that's more relevant than ever:

An 'expert' on CNN just advised everyone to get to their safe room. He's a damn fool. Room's aren't safe. What holds them together? Nails. Razor sharp steel blades just waiting for the moment a hurricane frees them from bondage so they can ravage you and all those you love. Get out of your house! Get out of your apartment! Get outside before it's too late!

Our only hope is to cut open an animal and crawl inside to survive the storm in the wild.

Cutting Open an Animal and Crawling Inside to Survive a Storm in the Wild

Toon Tuesday - Home Movies "Mortgages And Marbles"

DON'T BUT MARBLES IN YOUR NOSE - PUT THEM IN THERE!

National Library Week - Conan the Librarian

Waterproof mascara my ass!

I don't know what this is from, but I kind of want to make it my new avatar ...

via where i pause

Self organizing bookshelf

 @noshowmo and @BethLamPen I think shit just got real ...

OH MY GOD OHLENKAMPS GET OUT OF OUR HEADS!!!



via Laughing Squid

Slacks is fun to say. Slacks. SLAHHHKZ!

Put This On: LBJ Buys Pants from Put This On on Vimeo.

via Laughing Squid

I have too much time on my hands

When you watch all of Season 1 of Spartacus in one sitting and then combine it with Creed's impressive ability to fend off dangerous animals you get this ...

Thracian fends off Spartacus kittens with Creed song - credit: STARZ and Nathan V.

Why yes, I have created a wholly unnecessary tumblr account, and expect CBS to call with a production deal any day now.

If you'd like to see the kittehs in their original, un-Creeded form check out Nathan's Spartacus recaps at Tubular.

Shopping with wax|wendy: Scenes from the mall

If your kid starts crying because the toy animals are frozen in moments of life and death struggle ... yeah, that was me.  Sorry.

I'm just going to sit here and eat all the baby penguins.

Life beyond the paddock proved to be crueler and shorter than Blaze could ever have imagined.

Fear was for tomorrow.  Today they would cross the Mara River unchallenged.

For those about to drink, we salute you.

We've talked about this before, right?  Is it really necessary to gender segregate baked goods??  And if you're pushing cookies, I would reconsider the use of the word "cavity".

This is a page from a delightful little book called The Southern Night Before Christmas.

What?  Of course one of the reindeer is called Sister.  Naturally.

This has drinking game written alllll over it.

You can hang both of these on your tree, but you might need a buffer ornament in between to keep the peace.

When did Barbie get Kardashian'd?

Over 2-feet of hair.  Perfect for the budding princess or baby drag queen in your life.

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside

DC got eleventy inches of snow earlier this year.  While it's too early to predict if the coming winter will be as harsh, that's no reason not to be prepared.   If you found yourself trapped in a blizzard with no shelter, would you know what to do?

Well you will after reading Cutting Open an Animal and Crawling Inside to Survive During a Storm in the Wild.  Author MTL offers invaluable advice and recommendations ... that could save your life!

Crustaceans?  While delicious to eat, they're not going to provide you much cover:

Their crunchy exoskeletons crack and chip easily. Their segmented bodies fall apart under duress. They have no souls, so they provide no warmth.

Nope.  You're screwed, dude.

Bald Eagle?  Don't even think about it.

You'll want something with a little more square footage in the chest cavity.  But don't imagine it's going to be easy.  Careful planning and forethought - that and a steaming carcass - are your only hope.

Weigh your options carefully before tangling with a moose ... the best way to catch a moose is to tame a wolf pack and sick it on the moose. 

Maybe Bison are more your speed ... if you can run them down:

They aren't afraid of shit. Bison expert Jim Pisarowics puts it well when he says, "they usually appear peaceful, unconcerned, even lazy, yet they may attack anything, often without warning or apparent reason." And when they come at you it's at 35 mph with a head the size of a truck engine and two razor sharp horns. In a word: gangster.

But lest you think COACISSW is all just macho bluster and posturing, it's not.  MTL knows you can't survive an apocalypse if you don't take care of yourself.

It's a common misconception that survivalism and appendage maintenance are mutually exclusive. Nothing could be further from the truth.  I never leave home without my mani/pedi set.  I can't think of a more enjoyable way to spend several hours inside a moose than rejuvenating my feet with a combination of coconut oil, lanolin, and vegetable glycerin.

via Neatorama

'Reply All' is the 7th circle of Hell

Below is the thread of an actual email I was actually copied on.  It is real, and it is spectacular.

Subject: scheduling changes

------------------------

Dear All,

Please note the following scheduling changes below. A new confidential workplan has been posted to the ftp site.

----------

From: CY

i think this email was sent to me in error.

----------

From: HM

me too- ?

----------

From: SB

Dear All:

I think this email was sent to me in error, too.

----------

From: ED

me too?

----------

From: JK

Me as well.

----------

From: MM

Me as well

----------

From: NH

I think you are probably looking for N. 

----------

From: CS

and me

----------

From: NJ

Me too....

----------

From: KK

Me too!

----------

From: EG

ditto

----------

From: GP

and me

----------

From: HE

I think this was sent to me in error as well. 

----------

From: WH

Me too...

----------

From: TG

I am not quite sure if this message was intended for me.

----------

From: CB

I think this was sent to me in error also.

----------

From: SL

And me as well.

----------

From: JS

Me too.

----------

From: SE

and me

----------

From: JL

Me too!

----------

From: SN

Me too.

----------

From: JT

This has been sent to us in error, also.

----------

From: TW

Me too

----------

From: AB

I think I'm on this email by mistake.

----------

From: CC

To me too...

----------

From: ST

me, too

----------

From: LK

STOP REPLYING ALL

----------

From: SH

me too

----------

From: SW

me too?

----------

From: AP

me too

----------

From: DS

I think I got this in error.

----------

From: DW 

Hi, I think this may have been sent to me in error as well.

----------

From: MM

I'll join the list also. Wrong person?...

----------

From: AM

And me….

----------

From: SS

Understood... Please stop responding!!!

----------

From: LO

I erroneously received it as well.

----------

From: PS

This email was sent to me in error.

----------

From: AS

..and me

----------

From: MC

CAN YOU GUYS STOP REPLYING TO ALL. Now instead of having this email once I have it 25 times. Just write back to the person who sent it!!!!!!!!!!!!!

----------

From: NL

ME TOO!!! How odd...

----------

From: SW

And me.

----------

From: SN

Me too.

----------

From: KG

me too

----------

From: CC

Me too. 

----------

From: KA

All,

Apparently there was an error in sending and most of us shouldn’t have received this. Can we kindly stop hitting “reply all”, however?

---------

From: AR

If you received this email in error. DO NOT reply to all. Reply only to A.

----------

From: MWG

Can we please all stop REPLYING ALL. You are crashing my inbox!

----------

From: AM

Same here.

----------

From: AC

Same here!

----------

From: LM

Me too

----------

From: BM

But for one brief moment, we've all been brought together by this. Can't you feel the love? 

----------

From: KZ

and me

----------

From: JF

Here too!

----------

From: SW

LOL...

----------

From: AB

Ditto

----------

From: LD

Yup, me 2.

----------

From: TM

I feel like I need to take a shower.

----------

From: MK

Same here. 

----------

From: AS

This has made our day.

----------

From: CE

...and me.

----------

From: ZM

This gave me a good laugh.

----------

From: JJ

..and me too.

----------

From: HG

me too..

----------

From: WS

Look out its an worldwide e-mail-valanche!

----------

From: JB

and that was the book of the never ending story

FIN 

And I can kick! I'm strong!

So apparently the beard, and the rap career, and the wacky late night TV appearances were all a part of an elaborate performance art piece.

Sometimes, the best theatre is real life.



via laughing squid

Typography Tuesday: The answer is always Winchester

Typography Tuesday: This was a valued rug

Typography Tuesday: Warriors of Work

DON'T PANIC!!

It's Towel Day.

"Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There's a frood who really knows where his towel is."

It's British Friday! It's British Friday!

via Jezebel

Happy St. Patrick's Day!