I review it: The Avengers

ZOMGBBQPWNIESoirg;oijadfvj kqrego[iU YIHWEAJ KNSDKNMkjl.  AOPig;jkIUJKN!! ASJLVwvu;qjkln and then jkviouqh.  ;FJKIJOQER 089[Q3 4AJKL.  DKMN;OJoihejkr.  Gwyneth is in it, but other than that, [iohWJNKEBW OIUP. erhiouewJKGBEQfpouhWE BJKNF!!!

Joss Whedon is a god.

INFINITY STARS!!  ALL OF TEH STARS!! out of 5.

Check it out.  Stay until the end.  Sneak back in and see it again.

Movies you need to see right now: 9

I've been eagerly awaiting the release of this film for months.  I know what I'll be doing tonight ... okay, I'll be writing the final Season 4 Supernatural recap for Tubular, but still.

No reason you can't run, don't walk, to see it.  

9 is the story of little straw men fighting mechanical monsters in a post apocalyptic world.

When 9 (Elijah Wood) first comes to life, he finds himself in a post-apocalyptic world. All humans are gone, and it is only by chance that he discovers a small community of others like him taking refuge from fearsome machines that roam the earth intent on their extinction. Despite being the neophyte of the group, 9 convinces the others that hiding will do them no good. They must take the offensive if they are to survive, and they must discover why the machines want to destroy them in the first place. As they’ll soon come to learn, the very future of civilization may depend on them.

Produced by Tim Burton, this movie looks seriously awesome.

This is the original 11-minute short, written and directed by Shane Acker.



via io9

British Friday, observed: I'm not really English but I play one in the movies

It's British Friday! It's British Friday!

Ron grew up hot.

This kid's over 18, right?

I review it : Star Trek

Sweet Zombie Jebus this movie is AWESOME!!!

And I'm not even a Trekker. Reboot / reimagining / remake ... call it what you will but this thing lives up to all the hype. JJ Abrams has created a film that turns what we know about the characters on its head while still hitting all the nostalgia sweet spots. It doesn't take itself too seriously, and the actors all seem to really be enjoying themselves in their roles. That sense of freewheeling fun (Batman, I'm looking at YOU) totally carries through to the audience.

Also, Tortiegirl would like everyone to know that Karl Urban is in the movie. She was unaware. There may have been squealing.

Oh, JJ. Always with the polar bears. Among other things ... you'll know what I'm talking about.

5 tribbles out of 5.

There was only one pair of Vulcan ears that we could see - but that's Georgetown. The Uptown is inexplicably not showing Star Trek.  If so, it would have looked like a regular convention up in there. And speaking of conventions ... this just never gets old.

SNL Get A Life

I review it : Crank 2 High Voltage

Crank 2: High Voltage is 96 minutes of "What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell did I just see? Hey, is that Cory Haim??"

They should really just stop making movies altogether.

Because this is the greatest movie that has been, or ever will be made, in the history of the human race. Now, that is not to say that it isn't offensive, gratuitously violent, and demeaning and degrading to every man, woman, and inanimate object in it. Because it is. 

And it is glorious.

10,000 volts of thumbs up!

We also got the preview for something called The Hangover with Will from Alias and Andy from The Office. The funniest bits are all probably in the trailer, but I'd be willing to pay cash money just for the scene with Iron Mike.

I'm a Marvel. And I'm a DC.

I don't actually read comic books, but I loves me some movies based on comic book super heroes. I also love ItsJustSomeRandomGuy 's videos. Action figures commenting on their own movies. This meta tastes delicious!

Suck it Dark Knight!



Jerk. Emo.



via io9

Zoinks!

Hey, Watchmen opens tomorrow! I understand it takes its source material from a comic book, so I imagine the movie will be something like this.



via io9

My awe is in inverse proportion to the size of the stitch

Althea Crone creates miniature knitted works of art in what she calls "bug-knit" scale. Her pieces are amazing and are featured in Coraline, a movie I really need to see right the frak now.

via Neatorama

Who Watches the Watchmen?

Warning! You are entering a Dune zone! Warning!

I love cartoons and animation. In case you were wondering.  

Childhood Saturday mornings were spent worshipping at the altar of The Bugs Bunny / Road Runner Show.  Every day after school my brother and I would watch Tom and Jerry and Scooby Doo ... and GI Joe, and Transformers, and Speed Racer, and Star Blazers, and Voltron, and Thundercats, and dear lord, even He-Man.

And then Pixar came along to show us what animation can really do.  That the "cartoon" format can be used to tell amazing, honest, real stories.

Monsters, Inc. is probably my favorite.  In part, I think, because it has a similar vibe to the best of the classic Warner Bros. and MGM/Tex Avery cartoons. 

And then there's Ratatouille, which can't really be ranked, because it's just a whole 'nother beast.  imho.

It happens at the 2:30 mark.  In 30 seconds of animation, the film's creators manage to convey the very essence of a sublime meal.  

The other thing I love about Pixar is that they choose voice talent based on who can best serve the character.  So instead of hearing Will Smith play a fish, or Bruce Willis play a raccoon, or Jack Black play a panda ... you just hear the character.

Brad Bird, who directed Ratatouille, cast Patton Oswalt to play Remy the Rat because he felt he could convey real passion about food and cooking.  Never heard of him?  Doesn't matter.  He was the right guy for the job, and that's what mattered.

How did Brad Bird know?  Two words - the Black Angus Steak bit

And then?  Then there's the failure pile.  In a sadness bowl.

If you've actually read this far, and I haven't completely driven you off the deck, check out this Fresh Air interview from 2007 with Brad Bird and Patton Oswalt.  

Inspiration, one clip at a time. That's the Chicago way.

Extra special bonus points if you can name all the movies.

A few things this clip brings to mind:

Picard rocks.

Charlie Chaplin had a speaking voice?

Colin Farrell and Brad Pitt make me cringe with their terrible, terrible acting every time I watch it.

After seeing 300, I understand when people say that violent images lead to violent actions. Because that movie seriously made me want to kill somebody.

Galaxy Quest is a great and highly underrated movie.

I am Sparticus

My favorite bits are from Henry V and Pulp Fiction. We few, we happy motherfucking few.





via The Watcher

I review it: Australia

"The only thing you truly own is your story. I'm just trying to live a good one."The Embassy of Australia hosted an advance screening of Baz Luhrmann's new movie Australia at work last night. Thanks to boss man TAJ, I scored tickets.

ZOMFG THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!!!!!

The only movie I can compare Australia to is Gone with the Wind.  It is an epic film in the tradition of Hollywood's Golden Age.  It's not a movie that can be easily summed up, because it has so many threads.  It's love, war, loss, family, loyalty, and treachery.  It's about trying to hold on to what's yours, whether it be land, a person, or an entire culture.  It's about learning to let go.  It's trying to find your place and figure out where you belong.  It's The Wizard of Oz filtered through the Dreamtime.

It will also make you cry.  Okay, it made me cry.  A lot.  

So I know I just said you can't summarize the movie, but I'm going to take a stab.  If you don't want to know anything and want to come into the movie fresh, now might be a good time to go see what's happening on the Gawker networks.

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Don't say I didn't warn you ... there be details here ...

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Nicole Kidman plays Lady Sarah Ashley.  She goes to Australia to sort out her husband, who's trying to make a go of a failing cattle station in the Northern Territory.   Hugh Jackman is the Drover, her husband's trusted man who is sent to fetch her.  They just want to get their cattle to market - there's a war on don't you know, and the King's Army requires beef.  There are some very, very bad men (DIE CRACK WHORES DIE!!!) who try to thwart them.

The whole story is narrated by Nullah, an Aboriginal boy who lives on the station.  He's half white, and that means he doesn't belong anywhere. The government won't allow him to stay in his community with his mother (part of an assimilation program that wasn't ended until the 1970's. Seriously), but white society doesn't want him either.

Things get off to a bit of a slow start, with early scenes played a little too broadly.  Dipping a toe into screwball territory.  Its very Baz, if that makes any sense.  But then our heroes get to droving, and the shit is ON.  There's a scene that will literally take your breath away.  In the sense that you can't breathe because OMGOMGTHEEDGETHEEDGEOHNOOHNOOHNO!!!

Yeah, its kind of like that.

Then things are okay for a while, but its only the calm before the storm.   The storm of Japanese zeros dropping bombs on the city of Darwin.  

It was the sight of King George standing silently in the middle of the jail yard while bombs rained down around him that had me shaking because I was trying so hard to keep the sobs in.  Okay, again, tearing up just thinking about it.  

King George is Nullah's grandfather.  He's a magic man who still sings the songs of the Dreaming.  And it may not be the subtlest metaphor in the world, but the imagery is highly effective.  The sight of this man from another time - another reality- standing silent and unmoved as his world is consumed in fire and chaos.

And in the end, there's no place like home.  No place like it.

**************************

Nicole Kidman is very good (and doesn't look too plastic).  Life in Australia (and three days in NeverNever Land) takes a woman brittle as glass and burns away every thing that doesn't matter.

I'll just say this about Hugh Jackman ...

No wonder People just named you sexiest man alive.  Because DAMN Wolverine.  DAY.  UM.

Now, the movie is 2 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES long, and pulls that bait and switch where you think its over, but no, there's still a 4th act and you probably really have to pee but hang in there.  Because it's well worth the price of admission.  I'd pay cash money to see it again.

4 baby eating dingoes out of 5.

Baz Luhrmann's Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman opens November 26.