I review it : Crank 2 High Voltage

Crank 2: High Voltage is 96 minutes of "What the hell? No, seriously, what the hell did I just see? Hey, is that Cory Haim??"

They should really just stop making movies altogether.

Because this is the greatest movie that has been, or ever will be made, in the history of the human race. Now, that is not to say that it isn't offensive, gratuitously violent, and demeaning and degrading to every man, woman, and inanimate object in it. Because it is. 

And it is glorious.

10,000 volts of thumbs up!

We also got the preview for something called The Hangover with Will from Alias and Andy from The Office. The funniest bits are all probably in the trailer, but I'd be willing to pay cash money just for the scene with Iron Mike.

British Friday - Why yes, I am going to the chinema tonight edition

Why do you ask?

Crank? More like crack. I am inexplicably excited for this movie. And! AND! It features the Bai Ling! Who had this to say about that little something special that she brings to the filum:

All these weird things come to my mind. Everything I say is like strange - it doesn't make any sense to you, but in her character, when you hear her, it makes perfect sense.

Yeah! Sure, the Bai Ling! Whatever you say!

Um, except this.

Bai said she hopes she'll return to Lost at some point. "They told me it's like the pyramids. Every character, every element is planned. I love that show."

Yeah, no.  Just no.   Although her previous turn on Lost also featured the simply fabulous Diana Scarwid. Who's character has never been seen or spoken of again.  So I'll give you a pass, the Bai Ling, if you bring Diana with you.  And leave the tattoo needles at home.

io9 - Bai Ling Wrote Her Own Crank 2 Dialogue - Crank 2

British Friday - I think I'll go for a walk edition

If you can read this ...

... this bitch is still on my bike.


via Jezebel

Action Stations! Actions Stations! Launch the Alert Vipers!

File this under "Things I need right the frak now!"

io9 - Trylon Viper: Launch The Alert Vipers, With Your Very Own Battlestar Car

Mayhem, murder, and lewd behavior

Saw this preview Friday night too. Hell to the yeah.

2009 io9 Movie Guide

2009 Movie Preview: 30 Fantastic Movies To Watch (Or Avoid) This Year

I'm most excited to see Watchmen and Coraline.  I want to dislike Monsters Versus Aliens on general principle because it's not a Pixar movie; however, my io9 overlords are endorsing it.  

I'll be checking out The Box when it opens, because my dislike for Cameron Diaz is outweighed by the fact that my friend Brett was an extra in the movie!  So I'll be going for him.

I'm disappointed that The Road still doesn't have an opening date.  The book is incredible, and it's beauty really is in Cormac McCarthy's words.  So I'm curious to see how its going to translate to film ... even though I'm pretty sure I'm going to need a bucket of puppies and a dozen pink cupcakes to recover afterwards. 

And Tortiegirl and I will be at Crank 2 opening night, because it's Jason Statham, and it's our thing.

Crush your enemies, drive them before you, and hear the lamentations of the women

At a loss for New Year's plans?  It's not too late to get yourself to Western New York for the Ransomville Speedway's Hangover 150.


It's a day of true stock car racing ... which from what I can tell, eventually devolves into a demolition derby.

Of course, this is my only point of reference for demolition derby.  I imagine the Hangover 150 will be a lot like this.



While you're there, do be sure to cheer on the io9 Apocalypsemobile.

I review it: Transporter 3

Jason Statham is Frank. See Frank drive. Drive Frank, drive.

See Frank fight. Fight Frank, fight. Pow! Zap! Shazam!

Oh noes! Frank has lost his shirt. Flex Frank, flex.



2 1/2 henchmen out of 5

Transporter 3 stars Jason Statham and is currently in wide release

And! AND! We got a Watchmen, Star Trek, The Spirit, AND My Bloody Valentine (even though my TV boyfriend Jensen Ackles is only in it for 4 seconds) trailers.