Spam Musubi Push up Pop

I tried spam musubi during the great Real LOST Experience of aught'09.  Seemed like the thing to do.  All the other Island delicacies I'd sampled had been quite tasty.  To put it politely, I found spam musubi to be an acquired taste.

To put it bluntly, that shite is naaaaasty.  So I don't know what perverse impulse led JustJenn to create these ...

This is not the delicious orange sherbert
you are looking for

Trust me, the delivery system is not going to improve this wad of ham, seaweed, and rice in any way.

JustJenn's spam musubi push up pops via Laughing Squid

For the night is dark and full of maraschinos

Red silk, red eyes, the ruby red at her throat, red lips curled in a faint smile. 

Many called her beautiful.  She was not beautiful.  She was red, and terrible, and red.

GRRM is very specific about the Red Priestess Melisandre's physical appearance.  And even though I know actresses with glowing red eyes don't exist, and CGI would probably just end up looking cheesy, it still bugs me.

Melisandre should have red eyes.  Amirite?

A gaze blank and pitiless as the sun.

Also, Tubular friend The TV Watcher  commented:

I feel like maybe you should have gotten Jim Caviezel to play your demon lamb cake because that was pretty much like going through the Stations of the Cross.

That's Hobo Demon Lamb to you.

My ass is delicious.

In the beginning was the lamb cake ...

And the lamb cake was with Team Odell and the lamb cake was demonic.

And after many years of anticipating the coming of the demon lamb cake from afar, I decided to make my own.




Cake pan acquired.  Is it me, or is there something a little Cylon-ish about it?

By your command.

Mixing up the guts.  Red velvet, naturally.

Greasing up the innards.

Into the tomb with you!

The cake pan is empty.  The lamb has risen.

Flocking the lamb.  I used a recipe I found online called "that's the best frosting I've ever had".  Shame on me for not testing it out first, because no.  No, it isn't.  If that's the best frosting you've ever had, you haven't eaten nearly enough cake in your life.  Fact.  And to be fair, it wasn't bad, it was just medium, with a texture very much like that of whipped cream icing.  Not a big fan.  I would have been better off with a 7-minute frosting or the classic old school combo or shortening and powdered sugar.  Next year I'll know.

And now the most important part of the cake.  That which puts the demon in the demon lamb cake - the eyes.

Nice try, but not quite right.

I liked the idea of using yellow flecked jelly beans, but the execution was wrong.  There's a reason you should only use maraschino cherries for the eyes ...

Demon lamb cake weeps for you.

Demon lamb cake and its spider cupcake minions.  KNEEL BEFORE THE DEMON LAMB CAKE!

Demon lamb cake can also be benevolent.  Please, enjoy an appetizer while the main course is being prepared.  Another deviled egg?

The lamb has fallen.  The lamb will rise again.

HAPPY EASTER!

This tastes like burning: DIY Cadbury Eggs

Why?  Why?!?  The thought of a regular one makes my teeth hurt.  Why would someone feel the need to embiggen the horribleness so?

Pimp That Snack - The Creme de la Creme Egg via Mental Floss


















Standard creme egg : Height : 2" Girth : 4" Weight : 40 g Calories : 175
Creme de la creme egg : Height : 8". Girth : 16.5". Weight : A whopping 2.25 kg!! Calories : estimated 10000!!

Do you like your creme egg of normal size, but find that the gooey fondant center isn't sweet enough for you?  Why not add a dollop of canned frosting and some sprinkles?  Seriously, why?

Cakespy: Cadbury Creme Deviled Eggs | Serious Eats : Recipes

Drinkify: There's a cocktail for that

Tell the web app Drinkify what you're listening to, and it will pair your music with an appropriate adult beverage.  It does a pretty good job:

Old school, smooth, and under appreciated.

Tastes like a bari sax sounds.

I would have expected Drinkify to suggest an ice cold American beer, but I guess it checked my Klout score.

This one is a head scratcher.  Hennessy?  Sure.  Makes total sense.  Tabasco?  Okay.  Just like Otis, it starts off smooth and sophisticated and then the heat kicks in.  

But cough syrup?  

Drop a match into that and you've got a Flaming Moe.

I would have expected this drink to be paired with Jimi Hendrix.

I can't explain it, but fire made it good.














Drinkify via Laughing Squid

Happy Bloomsday!

…I was a Flower of the mountain yes when I put the rose in my hair like the Andalusian girls used or shall I wear a red yes and how he kissed me under the Moorish wall and I thought well as well him as another and then I asked him with my eyes to ask again yes and then he asked me would I yes to say yes my mountain flower and first I put my arms around him yes and drew him down to me so he could feel my breasts all perfume yes and his heart was going like mad and yes I said yes I will Yes.


via Contrariwise

Right up your kilt!

Happy St. Patrick's Day amateurs!

What you call Shrove Tuesday ...

IHOP calls National Pancake Day.  So they're a week early.

FREE PANCAKES AT IHOP!  WHO WANTS TO GO TO COLUMBIA HEIGHTS?  FREE PANCAKES AT IHOP!


Join IHOP on Tuesday, March 1, 2011, 7 a.m. - 10 p.m., for National Pancake Day and receive one complimentary short stack! In return for the free flapjacks, we ask you to consider leaving a little something behind for Children's Miracle Network Hospitals and other designated local charities. Thanks to our guests' generosity, IHOP raised more than $2.1 million last year. IHOP began its National Pancake Day in 2006, and since then, has raised $5.35 million for Children's Miracle Network Hospitals and other local charities and given away more than 10.1 million buttermilk pancakes.

Happy Kwanzaa! Pass the corn nuts.

You've seen it. You're mocked it. You've thrown up in your mouth a little at the sight of it ... but have you ever wondered how it came to be?

While semi-homemade Sandra Lee may have unleashed the Kwanzaa cake upon the world, she didn't actually write the recipe. That blame credit goes to cookbook author Denise Vivaldo. Her mea culpa has been taken down from the Huffington Post where it originally appeared, but nothing ever truly disappears from the interwebs ...

In my defense, I must start at the beginning. I've been developing recipes for cookbook authors and food companies for over twenty years ... I sell recipes from $100-$400 dollars apiece plus the cost of groceries. I love it. Not only is it fun, creative and challenging, I get to study all kinds of food. Most projects are just plain terrific. I'm humbled by the amazing people I've gotten to write and work for.

But (isn't there always a but?)...wait for it...wait for it. 

One night in my office, at least 10 years ago, my phone rang. I answered it. If only I had noticed that my dogs started to howl and blood mysteriously started seeping from the walls. Alas, I did not. So excited to close the sale, I made an appointment with a personal assistant to meet "the next Martha Stewart, only bigger." I was happy to think about this latest project that would help feed my assistants.

It turned out that the premise of this cookbook would be "delicious desserts with nothing made from scratch." This book would be the second in a series. The first book was almost done, but apparently the writer, food stylist and recipe tester from that first book had all gone sailing in the Bermuda Triangle to celebrate and had disappeared. The books were being self-published by Ms. Lee, unless she could find a publisher, ASAP. She really, really wanted a publishing partner.

I 'm not sure if it was because my head was spinning 360 degrees and my retinas had become burned by some horrible smoke that seemed to fill the room whenever she moved, but I wasn't grasping the concept. "No fresh food. Just canned food. Nothing fresh, do you understand me? All food out of cans or boxes, so it's easy for the homemaker ...and write the brand name of the cans or boxes right in the recipe."

I assumed it was the ten years of smoking dope in my formative years that was making me stupid. Then I thought, okay, this is another slant on The Cake Mix Doctor, by Anne Byrn. A book that had been wildly successful. I can do this.

Before you say a word, let me say one more thing in my defense.

I have people that depend on me for their livelihood. Assistants, designers, photographers, and especially my American Express Platinum card. I sign the checks, so I have to bring in the money. To make my small business work, I took the job. First time I ever signed a contract. Of all the truly big stars and real celebrities I've worked with, it was always just a handshake and my reputation for getting the job done that created the deal. To put it simply, I deliver what I say I will.

Thirteen months past and after exactly 151 recipes, I tried to fake my death.

Ms. Lee called and though we were done with the book, she needed at least ten extra angel food cakes for "fun" sugary holiday times to sell to a magazine ... Please ask yourself, what would you have done in my place? See how that Kwanzaa cake is looking better from my perspective? I will tell you truly, the candles were her idea.

I guess I imagined something more refined. And I know the Corn Nuts were disgusting, but she didn't. As a matter of fact, the more tasteless the recipes got the more she liked them, the faster she approved them, and I could get home and drink some medium-priced wine after our meetings. She's not a good role model for abstinence.

I've never watched any of the videos on YouTube. My priest says, "Never call the devil."

And to think, Anthony Bourdain was afraid of her. Crap, he was never even close.

Woman behind ‘Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake’ Explains Debacle | EURweb

God as my witness I thought turkeys could fly ...

Happy Thanksgiving!

Video from sharkhost

Full episode below

Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch

Take Back Your Lunch is a movement to encourage workers bees to fly the hive and actually take a proper midday break.  Look for a meet up in your area, or organize your own and spread the word.

Now granted, while I love the concept, I don't think I'll fully embrace it until the weather cools down a bit. It's July in D.C.  You're liable to burst into flame just stepping out the front door.

Take Back Your Lunch - The Energy Project

via @Marilyn_Res

I don't know why they didn't do this sooner

As if there was any question that the U.S. is still the fattest greatest nation on Earth, BEHOLD!

The Cheerwine flavored Krispy Kreme donut.

I know, right??

For gentle readers sadly not in the know, Cheerwine is a lightly cherry flavored soda that my brother has described as "God's own sweat."

The donuts are on offer only for the month of July, and available only in North and South Carolina.  The two companies cited their close historic ties with the states in deciding to limit the run - although frankly I don't see why they couldn't have thrown a little love southeastern Virginia's way.

I anticipate a hot interstate trade in bootleg pastries springing up.

Reporters from the Salisbury Post got an advance box on Wednesday, and initial reactions were positive.  My favorite is this opinion from man on the street Jesse Davis:

Davis was asked to rate the doughnut on a scale of one to 10, asked where the doughnut fell.

”In my mouth,“ he said.

Cheerwine filled doughnuts are a hit | Salisbury, NC - Salisbury Post

Mmm... Cheerwine Filled Krispy Kreme Doughnuts - The Consumerist

Get your pudding on! It's National Chocolate Pudding Day

I mention it merely as an excuse to post this:

British Friday, Part of the Second: Cheesehead Edition

Cordon Bleu trained chef Tanys Pullin, 46, spent 90 hours crafting it out of a 1,322lb block of Farmhouse Cheddar. She carved the sculpture in the shape of a crown to mark the anniversary of the Queen's Coronation on June 2. credit: Apex

via Eat Me Daily

March Madness: The Cake Vs. Pie Tournament

I know things look bleak. Top seeds are bouncing out of the NCAA tournament left and right and your bracket is hosed. But take heart once a year basketball fan. There's a new game in town. Set your feet on the road to deliciousness. This is madness. THISH! IS! DESSERT!

Jezebel is settling the pie vs. cake debate once and for all, tournament style. All your bakery favorites have been seeded and set in head-to-head competition. In today's match up it's red velvet versus coconut and key lime versus sweet potato. Voting closes at 1:55 pm EDT today, so vote early and often!

Now, if pressed, I would say I'm a cake girl.  Allie of Hyberbole and a Half would say I'm smoking crack.  She's Team Pie, and I do have to admit, she's makes some compelling arguments ...

Especially when it comes to the even and equitable distribution of the good stuff.













March Madness: The Cake Vs. Pie Tournament - Jezebel

Hyperbole and a Half: Cake Versus Pie: A Scientific Approach

Happy Pi(e) Day!

Mmm ... math is delicious!



credit: flickr.com/maitri

Your Monday morning moment of evil desserts

Something tells me there wasn't a lot of set up with this. Just turn the kids loose in the kitchen and turn on the camera.



via Neatorama

Raise a glass to the #snowmageddon

If you're anywhere on the East Coast right now, the only color you see is white. Blinding white. If your local liquor store is still open - mine is! - any one of these colorful cocktails is well worth the trek through the tundra for ingredients.

Personally, I've been enjoying the pale lavender deliciousness of the Aviation cocktail.  The creme de violette might be difficult to source - again, big ups to Pearson's - but it is essential.  It adds a floral hint that's a perfect balance to the nuttiness of the maraschino and the brightness of the lemon and gin.



tip o'the hat to punky and @bobbyhank!










photo by Flickr user jen_maiser

Vintage Violet Cocktails Make a Comeback | Food and Think | Smithsonian.com

Purple Haze: 2000s Archive : gourmet.com

Your Monday morning moment of monkeys eating Jell-O

It's a Stampede! Link Roundup - 1/17

During the real Lost experience, we all came home with matching beach frocks.  The tags promised "one size fits all", and shockingly, they actually did.  Thus did we fellowship of four come to own matching sisterhood of the traveling muu-muus.

I think Nicki summed it up perfectly when she said "they look equally 'attractive' on all of us".

Will I be wearing mine come February 2?  Oh, yes.  I will be.

via Natalie Dee with a tip o'the hat to T!

I remember very little about Space: 1999 other than the fact that I loved it, and Maya was my favorite character.  I hesitate to revisit the show now on DVD.  I think we all know that's not going to end well.

Instead, I'll just enjoy fan Eric Bernard's re-imagined and recut videos he's calling Space: 2099.

Fan Reboot "Space 2099" via io9

Bless the Maker (of this font), and all his water.

Orthodox Herbertarian is a new font painstakingly traced from scans of the typeface that was used on the American Ace Editions (Published by The Berkley Publishing Group) of Dune and many other Frank Herbert books for around a decade, from the early 70s through to the early 80s.

The Sex Pistols’ “Never Mind the Bollocks” (1977) is closer to the second world war than it is to the present. The Beatles’ release of “Love Me Do” (1962) is closer to the first world war than to us.

Now get off my lawn!  And pull up your pants.

Hey,  remember that New Years resolution to start going to the gym and eating right?  Yeah, eff that noise.  Gourmet presents 68 years worth of their favorite cookie recipes.

via Dinosaurs and Robots

SyFy is planning an American version of the British series Being Human.  The one where a vampire, a werewolf, and a ghost walk into a flat and become roommates.

Normally I would roll my eyes at this news, or wonder why they don't just air the original, but I'm cautiously optimistic, given that Supernatural's Jeremy "Changing Channels / Supernatural Christmas" Carver is the co-writer.  So, yes to this!





Say what again.  SAY WHAT AGAIN.  via The Oatmeal



Adidas is pulling out all the stops to promote their new Star Wars inspired sneaks.  I know I shouldn't like this, what with the crass commercialism and all, but I'm not made of stone people!

Frankly, this is the shiz for reals.



via io9