I review it: Burlesque

I kind of loved this movie.   It's like a giant pink cupcake iced with glitter and served on a plate of camp - and I mean that in the best possible way.

The 'small town girl with big dreams makes good' story line is pretty paint-by-numbers, but that's not why you're there.  You're there for the musical set pieces and gorgeous production design, and those are worth the price of admission.  Christina Aguilera does a capable job with the material, and she's given ample opportunity to do what she does best - blow the roof of the mother.



Cher spends the movie being Cher, because she's already proven that she can act and made one of the greatest movies of all time *cough* Moonstruck *cough* and my god people she's a goddamn national treasure!  What more do you want from her?

Oh, you say you want a patented Cher power ballad?  Alrighty then.  Seriously y'all, this is the show stopper number.  Believe.



Stanley Tucci steals the movie and is amazing and needs to be in everything.  That guy who plays the campaign manager on The Good Wife (tm my Mom) has the Joel Gray role.  Julianne Hough is in it so people can say, "Hey isn't that the girl from Dancing with the Stars?" and then spend the movie waiting for her to show up because FAKEOUT! she's a brunette.   The great Etta James also gets several shout outs because Christina worships her, as one does.

The one casting misstep is Kristen Bell.  I didn't really buy her as the fading star who is eclipsed by newcomer Xtina.  I just kind of sat there wondering, "Veronica Mars?  Really?"  She came off as more petulant than life weary, which is what I think the role really called for.  Although she did get the best line of the entire film:

"I won't be upstaged by some chick with mutant lungs!"

3 tasseled pasties out of 5.  Check it out.

In upcoming movie news, this was one of our trailers. I have no idea what this movie is about, but you pretty much had me at chicks with swords blowing shiz up in slow motion while the levee breaks. With robots! It's like director Zack Snyder made this movie just for me.

I review it: Australia

"The only thing you truly own is your story. I'm just trying to live a good one."The Embassy of Australia hosted an advance screening of Baz Luhrmann's new movie Australia at work last night. Thanks to boss man TAJ, I scored tickets.

ZOMFG THIS MOVIE IS AWESOME!!!!!

The only movie I can compare Australia to is Gone with the Wind.  It is an epic film in the tradition of Hollywood's Golden Age.  It's not a movie that can be easily summed up, because it has so many threads.  It's love, war, loss, family, loyalty, and treachery.  It's about trying to hold on to what's yours, whether it be land, a person, or an entire culture.  It's about learning to let go.  It's trying to find your place and figure out where you belong.  It's The Wizard of Oz filtered through the Dreamtime.

It will also make you cry.  Okay, it made me cry.  A lot.  

So I know I just said you can't summarize the movie, but I'm going to take a stab.  If you don't want to know anything and want to come into the movie fresh, now might be a good time to go see what's happening on the Gawker networks.

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Don't say I didn't warn you ... there be details here ...

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Nicole Kidman plays Lady Sarah Ashley.  She goes to Australia to sort out her husband, who's trying to make a go of a failing cattle station in the Northern Territory.   Hugh Jackman is the Drover, her husband's trusted man who is sent to fetch her.  They just want to get their cattle to market - there's a war on don't you know, and the King's Army requires beef.  There are some very, very bad men (DIE CRACK WHORES DIE!!!) who try to thwart them.

The whole story is narrated by Nullah, an Aboriginal boy who lives on the station.  He's half white, and that means he doesn't belong anywhere. The government won't allow him to stay in his community with his mother (part of an assimilation program that wasn't ended until the 1970's. Seriously), but white society doesn't want him either.

Things get off to a bit of a slow start, with early scenes played a little too broadly.  Dipping a toe into screwball territory.  Its very Baz, if that makes any sense.  But then our heroes get to droving, and the shit is ON.  There's a scene that will literally take your breath away.  In the sense that you can't breathe because OMGOMGTHEEDGETHEEDGEOHNOOHNOOHNO!!!

Yeah, its kind of like that.

Then things are okay for a while, but its only the calm before the storm.   The storm of Japanese zeros dropping bombs on the city of Darwin.  

It was the sight of King George standing silently in the middle of the jail yard while bombs rained down around him that had me shaking because I was trying so hard to keep the sobs in.  Okay, again, tearing up just thinking about it.  

King George is Nullah's grandfather.  He's a magic man who still sings the songs of the Dreaming.  And it may not be the subtlest metaphor in the world, but the imagery is highly effective.  The sight of this man from another time - another reality- standing silent and unmoved as his world is consumed in fire and chaos.

And in the end, there's no place like home.  No place like it.

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Nicole Kidman is very good (and doesn't look too plastic).  Life in Australia (and three days in NeverNever Land) takes a woman brittle as glass and burns away every thing that doesn't matter.

I'll just say this about Hugh Jackman ...

No wonder People just named you sexiest man alive.  Because DAMN Wolverine.  DAY.  UM.

Now, the movie is 2 HOURS AND 40 MINUTES long, and pulls that bait and switch where you think its over, but no, there's still a 4th act and you probably really have to pee but hang in there.  Because it's well worth the price of admission.  I'd pay cash money to see it again.

4 baby eating dingoes out of 5.

Baz Luhrmann's Australia starring Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman opens November 26.