Wednesday, October 27, 2010

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside

DC got eleventy inches of snow earlier this year.  While it's too early to predict if the coming winter will be as harsh, that's no reason not to be prepared.   If you found yourself trapped in a blizzard with no shelter, would you know what to do?

Well you will after reading Cutting Open an Animal and Crawling Inside to Survive During a Storm in the Wild.  Author MTL offers invaluable advice and recommendations ... that could save your life!

Crustaceans?  While delicious to eat, they're not going to provide you much cover:
Their crunchy exoskeletons crack and chip easily. Their segmented bodies fall apart under duress. They have no souls, so they provide no warmth.
Nope.  You're screwed, dude.
Bald Eagle?  Don't even think about it.

You'll want something with a little more square footage in the chest cavity.  But don't imagine it's going to be easy.  Careful planning and forethought - that and a steaming carcass - are your only hope.
Weigh your options carefully before tangling with a moose ... the best way to catch a moose is to tame a wolf pack and sick it on the moose. 
Maybe Bison are more your speed ... if you can run them down:
They aren't afraid of shit. Bison expert Jim Pisarowics puts it well when he says, "they usually appear peaceful, unconcerned, even lazy, yet they may attack anything, often without warning or apparent reason." And when they come at you it's at 35 mph with a head the size of a truck engine and two razor sharp horns. In a word: gangster.
But lest you think COACISSW is all just macho bluster and posturing, it's not.  MTL knows you can't survive an apocalypse if you don't take care of yourself.
It's a common misconception that survivalism and appendage maintenance are mutually exclusive. Nothing could be further from the truth.  I never leave home without my mani/pedi set.  I can't think of a more enjoyable way to spend several hours inside a moose than rejuvenating my feet with a combination of coconut oil, lanolin, and vegetable glycerin.
via Neatorama

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