Sweetie, let's just have some bolly and a bitch through Vogue

Wendy Felton at glossed over undertook the formidable task of reading Vogue's September issue cover-to-cover in one go for her sixth annual Vogue live blog.  It's well worth a read and far more delightful, charming, and entertaining than the magazine issue itself.

It is in this spirit that it seemed an opportune time to recycle revisit my own sizing up of the 2009 September behemoth:

Girl, you better werq!  Fashion Week (originally posted September 11, 2009)


I cancelled my Vogue subscription a while ago, but they keep sending me magazines.  I recently received the September issue, and while thinner than last year's, it's still not something you want to drop on anything wee or delicate.  Let's take a look at the issue, and how it measures up to various things in my apartment ...


It's   definitely smaller than a 14 oz. box of Cheerios.  Also, it will not help you lower your cholesterol.

Advantage: Cheerios

It takes 2 seasons of Supernatural on DVD to stack up to the September Vogue; however, Jensen Ackles may be prettier than Charlize Theron.

Advantage: Supernatural

You need almost three copies of Frank Herbert's Dune series to equal one Vogue.    You might think Vogue has the edge here, but I'll actually read the Dune books more than once.

Advantage: Dune   

Vogue is almost as large as the cast iron ebelskiever pan, and certainly as heavy.  But if you pour batter onto Vogue and place it on a gas stove, all you will succeed in doing is burning the kitchen down.

Sadly, while Vogue may offer 584 stylish steals and smart splurges, it will not offer me delicious pancake balls.

Advantage: ebelskiever pan

Sorry Vogue.   Better luck next year.

My Little Kaiser

I've posted about artist Mari Kasurinen's fantastic sculptures in the past, and we can now add another entry to my ERMAHGERD MUST HAVE list.  Behold!  The Kaiser!

I imagine Mr. Lagerfeld approves.  Tip o'the hat to Rich!

"I am the king and you are riding in a carriage of regret."credit: Jacques Brinon/AP and Pascal Le Segretain/Getty

Previously on wax|wendy: My little pony, my little pony

In praise of parasols

Shiny!

While their methodology is suspect at best, the Weather Channel is not far wrong in naming D.C. one of the sixth hottest cities in the United States.

You don't have to tell me.  There's nothing like standing at the bus stop in the morning, hoping that salty tears and humid air will be enough to keep my flesh from bursting into flames.



But if there's one thing I learned from two winters in Chicago, it's that dignity and fashion have no place in extreme weather.  I finally took a page from my friend Irene, and embraced the parasol.  It's made all the difference.  Our great-great grandmothers so had it right.

Heat index of 102 you say?  Pshaw.

Easy like a Sunday morning

Still feeling awkward at the idea of popping open your umbrella when there's not a cloud in the sky?  It's okay.  You just need to start small and work up to it.

#Musicmonday: Missy Elliott "Work It" and "Get Ur Freak On"

From one Ptown girl to another, be well Missy!





The Amplified, Missy Elliott has been M.I.A. for a very good reason

Etsy buy of the week: Octopus Ring

How much do I love this ring?

I purchased it from etsy seller Ayansi, but she has since closed her shop.  She can now be found at ArtFire, and has a bridal store on etsy - crystaldust - but unfortunately both seem to be cephalopod free.

Waterproof mascara my ass!

I don't know what this is from, but I kind of want to make it my new avatar ...

via where i pause

I review it: Burlesque

I kind of loved this movie.   It's like a giant pink cupcake iced with glitter and served on a plate of camp - and I mean that in the best possible way.

The 'small town girl with big dreams makes good' story line is pretty paint-by-numbers, but that's not why you're there.  You're there for the musical set pieces and gorgeous production design, and those are worth the price of admission.  Christina Aguilera does a capable job with the material, and she's given ample opportunity to do what she does best - blow the roof of the mother.



Cher spends the movie being Cher, because she's already proven that she can act and made one of the greatest movies of all time *cough* Moonstruck *cough* and my god people she's a goddamn national treasure!  What more do you want from her?

Oh, you say you want a patented Cher power ballad?  Alrighty then.  Seriously y'all, this is the show stopper number.  Believe.



Stanley Tucci steals the movie and is amazing and needs to be in everything.  That guy who plays the campaign manager on The Good Wife (tm my Mom) has the Joel Gray role.  Julianne Hough is in it so people can say, "Hey isn't that the girl from Dancing with the Stars?" and then spend the movie waiting for her to show up because FAKEOUT! she's a brunette.   The great Etta James also gets several shout outs because Christina worships her, as one does.

The one casting misstep is Kristen Bell.  I didn't really buy her as the fading star who is eclipsed by newcomer Xtina.  I just kind of sat there wondering, "Veronica Mars?  Really?"  She came off as more petulant than life weary, which is what I think the role really called for.  Although she did get the best line of the entire film:

"I won't be upstaged by some chick with mutant lungs!"

3 tasseled pasties out of 5.  Check it out.

In upcoming movie news, this was one of our trailers. I have no idea what this movie is about, but you pretty much had me at chicks with swords blowing shiz up in slow motion while the levee breaks. With robots! It's like director Zack Snyder made this movie just for me.

'Drowning in the Kook' is the name of my new band

"There is a whole silly world out there filled with Birkins and hobos and diamond-encrusted clutches you can't fit your Tampax in, but you are none of these.

You are a rock star."



via Jezebel

It's a Stampede! Link Roundup - 3/21

I've already expressed my new found love of the violet infused Aviation cocktail.  29-95 thinks I should now try the subtly vegetal flavor of chartreuse in my drinks.

Damn them, I think they're right.

Tasting the businesslike Chartreuse | 29-95.com

This t-shirt.  Only 100 were printed, so step lively.

Apparently, people are very passionate about EXIT signage - with good reason I suppose, since your life can depend on it.

Although I've always found this version to be less "exit" and more "scampering this way".

The Big Red Word vs. the Little Green Man via Neatorama

Bea Arthur may have left us, but her wisdom lives on.  SNUU SNUU!!

I've never ordered anything advertised in Parade magazine, but that may soon change.

YES.  TO.  THIS!!

via Jezebel

I stumbled upon FashionFace.tv via their makeup tutorials on YouTube.  Most of what I've seen there have been evening, almost theatrical looks, but the main site also offers beginner vids covering all the basics.

Sam and Nic are freelance makeup artists based in Norwich England.  They're down to earth and engaging, and have already sent me off on a quest for MAC's discontinued eyeglass product.

As if I needed any more encouragement to buy makeup.

image credit: pixiewoo

It was later it was after two. We found a bottle of good chartreuse. The lights were green and gold. We played Latin soul. By the time Priscilla put the Al Green on the bottle was gone.

No, we can't let it go. We're browncoats.

Well played, Castle. Mission accomplished. I might just have to start watching you.

I'm not going to lie. There may have been some squeeing during the first 30 seconds. The man is strapping on the holsters. I'm not made of stone.

UPDATE! According to the Captain himself, there's another piece of meta hiding in this scene:

@NathanFillion Look closely, when Mal comes out the door- under the gun, under the boat, just to the right. It's a nothin' part, till ya need one.



And for those of you in the not-Hulu enabled world. No one should be deprived of Nathan Fillion getting his Mal Reynolds on.



SWEET MOTHER OF GOD HE'S WEARING A LEATHER KILT!!!

I'll stick with my Chucks for now, thanks.

I think these might have been what Steve Martin had in mind when he spoke of ... The Cruel Shoes.

The screams were incredible ...

Painfully High Fashion: 6 Insane Women’s Boots & Shoes | Dornob

A Stitch in Time - Toujours Couture

Balenciaga’s black tissue-paper taffeta dress, ballooning sash, and velvet coat

from Vogue, October 1, 1951.

by Horst/courtesy of Condé Nast Archives

Paris fashion week just closed, which seems a fine time to give another look at this recent Vanity Fair article. I've always thought of haute couture as fantastic, costume-y extravaganzas that aren't meant to be worn off the run way. But as Amy Fine Collins writes, by law:

... an haute couturier is a designer who presides over the creation of hand-finished made-to-order clothing, in a “laboratory” that employs at least 20 workers in Paris. The haute couturier must present a minimum of 25 ensembles twice a year, in January and July, and construct a garment over the course of several fittings, directly on a client’s body or on a dress form replicating her physique.

When time travel is perfected, I'm making a beeline for Givenchy, circa 1957.

It's an entertaining piece that traces the history and changing face of the Paris houses from Worth to Gaultier, Lacroix, and the Kaiser today.

Christian Lacroix for Jean Patou

hand-painted toile de jouy cocktail dress, 1987

By Francois Hallard/courtesy of Condé Nast Archives

Amy Fine Collins on Haute Couture | vanityfair.com

Can you guess what this ad is selling? MAMoWTF, observed.

I'm in love with this spot.  The clothes are gorgeous and the transitions are well done.  When I first saw it I thought Mad Men?  Target?  Cotton?

Nope ...

Incontinence products.   The gauntlet has been thrown down.  Your move, Depends. 

Future Fashion- Oh, Swish!

It's difficult to know what the future holds, and many predictions are just wildly off base. I'm still waiting for the flying car I was promised by Blade Runner. But the prognosticators behind this newsreel actually got quite a few things right.



Dresses made of transparent net? Big crazy hair? Check and check. Okay, maybe it's just JLo.

Cantilever heeled shoes. Why not?  Marc Jacobs agrees.

Electric belt adapting the body to climatic changes. Sort of.



Candy for cuties? Yes. You're wearing it.



YouTube - 1930s Futuristic Fashion Predictions

British Friday, Part of the Second: Swing Low Sweet Posh

British Friday, Part of the Second: Posh and Becks edition

British Friday, Part of the Second: I am not a number! I am a free man edition!

io9 - Ian McKellen Invites You To The Village In New Prisoner Promo

Your Monday morning moment of Zen

Clickie on the linkie to play (via Chanel website)

via Jezebel

But it's Lacroix, Sweetie. Lacroix

Christian Lacroix Files for Bankruptcy - NYTimes.com via Jezebel

British Friday - Bow down bitches edition

New York, May 6. Image via Getty