Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Shopping with wax|wendy: Scenes from the mall

If your kid starts crying because the toy animals are frozen in moments of life and death struggle ... yeah, that was me.  Sorry.

I'm just going to sit here and eat all the baby penguins.

Life beyond the paddock proved to be crueler and shorter than Blaze could ever have imagined.

Fear was for tomorrow.  Today they would cross the Mara River unchallenged.

For those about to drink, we salute you.

We've talked about this before, right?  Is it really necessary to gender segregate baked goods??  And if you're pushing cookies, I would reconsider the use of the word "cavity".

This is a page from a delightful little book called The Southern Night Before Christmas.

What?  Of course one of the reindeer is called Sister.  Naturally.

This has drinking game written alllll over it.

You can hang both of these on your tree, but you might need a buffer ornament in between to keep the peace.

When did Barbie get Kardashian'd?

Over 2-feet of hair.  Perfect for the budding princess or baby drag queen in your life.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

Happy Kwanzaa! Pass the corn nuts.

You've seen it. You're mocked it. You've thrown up in your mouth a little at the sight of it ... but have you ever wondered how it came to be?

While semi-homemade Sandra Lee may have unleashed the Kwanzaa cake upon the world, she didn't actually write the recipe. That blame credit goes to cookbook author Denise Vivaldo. Her mea culpa has been taken down from the Huffington Post where it originally appeared, but nothing ever truly disappears from the interwebs ...

In my defense, I must start at the beginning. I've been developing recipes for cookbook authors and food companies for over twenty years ... I sell recipes from $100-$400 dollars apiece plus the cost of groceries. I love it. Not only is it fun, creative and challenging, I get to study all kinds of food. Most projects are just plain terrific. I'm humbled by the amazing people I've gotten to write and work for.
But (isn't there always a but?)...wait for it...wait for it. 
One night in my office, at least 10 years ago, my phone rang. I answered it. If only I had noticed that my dogs started to howl and blood mysteriously started seeping from the walls. Alas, I did not. So excited to close the sale, I made an appointment with a personal assistant to meet "the next Martha Stewart, only bigger." I was happy to think about this latest project that would help feed my assistants.
It turned out that the premise of this cookbook would be "delicious desserts with nothing made from scratch." This book would be the second in a series. The first book was almost done, but apparently the writer, food stylist and recipe tester from that first book had all gone sailing in the Bermuda Triangle to celebrate and had disappeared. The books were being self-published by Ms. Lee, unless she could find a publisher, ASAP. She really, really wanted a publishing partner.
I 'm not sure if it was because my head was spinning 360 degrees and my retinas had become burned by some horrible smoke that seemed to fill the room whenever she moved, but I wasn't grasping the concept. "No fresh food. Just canned food. Nothing fresh, do you understand me? All food out of cans or boxes, so it's easy for the homemaker ...and write the brand name of the cans or boxes right in the recipe."
I assumed it was the ten years of smoking dope in my formative years that was making me stupid. Then I thought, okay, this is another slant on The Cake Mix Doctor, by Anne Byrn. A book that had been wildly successful. I can do this.
Before you say a word, let me say one more thing in my defense.
I have people that depend on me for their livelihood. Assistants, designers, photographers, and especially my American Express Platinum card. I sign the checks, so I have to bring in the money. To make my small business work, I took the job. First time I ever signed a contract. Of all the truly big stars and real celebrities I've worked with, it was always just a handshake and my reputation for getting the job done that created the deal. To put it simply, I deliver what I say I will.
Thirteen months past and after exactly 151 recipes, I tried to fake my death.
Ms. Lee called and though we were done with the book, she needed at least ten extra angel food cakes for "fun" sugary holiday times to sell to a magazine ... Please ask yourself, what would you have done in my place? See how that Kwanzaa cake is looking better from my perspective? I will tell you truly, the candles were her idea.
I guess I imagined something more refined. And I know the Corn Nuts were disgusting, but she didn't. As a matter of fact, the more tasteless the recipes got the more she liked them, the faster she approved them, and I could get home and drink some medium-priced wine after our meetings. She's not a good role model for abstinence.
I've never watched any of the videos on YouTube. My priest says, "Never call the devil."
And to think, Anthony Bourdain was afraid of her. Crap, he was never even close.

Woman behind ‘Sandra Lee Kwanzaa Cake’ Explains Debacle | EURweb

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Here we come a'caroling: "Little Blue Man Group Drummer Boy"

Was anyone else hoping for an appearance by David Bowie dressed as his 70's self?  It seems to be a thing on Late Night.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Totally geektastic gift ideas for the fanboy and nerdgirl in your life - 2010: Part of the Second

To be the man, you've got to beat the man ... in a mask.

Lucha Libre masks via Cool Material

Do you need to affix take out menus and childrens' art to your fridge?  Well, there's a magnet for that.

I make this suggestion with fair warning - buy it ONLY if your giftee was eventually able to purchase Comic Con 2011 tickets.

Otherwise I take no responsibility for the thrashing you're likely to incur.  

Error 500 Internal Server Error tshirt

Does your loved one want to be among the first to welcome our sentient robot overlords?  Consider sending them to Singularity University.
Singularity University is an interdisciplinary university whose mission is to assemble, educate and inspire leaders who strive to understand and facilitate the development of exponentially advancing technologies in order to address humanity’s grand challenges. With the support of a broad range of leaders in academia, business and government, Singularity University hopes to stimulate groundbreaking, disruptive thinking and solutions aimed at solving some of the planet’s most pressing challenges. Singularity University is based at the NASA Ames campus in Silicon Valley.

Naturally, if you go to the trouble of selecting the perfect geektastic gift, you should at least wrap it in perfectly geektastic paper.

You could give me an empty box on Christmas, I wouldn't care.  Not if it was wrapped in Dune paper.

Bless the Maker and all His works; Bless the coming and going of Him.

Sci Fi inspired wrapping paper by merrypranxter via io9.

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Totally geektastic gift ideas for the Star Wars fans in your life - 2010

Your pants are no good to you around your ankles.

Boba Fett belt buckle


Star Wars cross stitch from steotch

This is the swimsuit you've been looking for.

Black Milk Clothing via Gizmodo

And finally, I may actually ask for this for Christmas, because seriously?  Seriously.  Words fail.

You provide a photograph with the face and the pose, Paul makes the magic happen.  Orders are NOT guaranteed for Christmas delivery, but the anticipation becomes part of the gift.  Just like when you were 10, waiting for Jedi to be released so you could find out what happened to Han.

Custom carbonites by Paul Pape via Neatorama.

Sunday, November 28, 2010

I review it: Burlesque

I kind of loved this movie.   It's like a giant pink cupcake iced with glitter and served on a plate of camp - and I mean that in the best possible way.

The 'small town girl with big dreams makes good' story line is pretty paint-by-numbers, but that's not why you're there.  You're there for the musical set pieces and gorgeous production design, and those are worth the price of admission.  Christina Aguilera does a capable job with the material, and she's given ample opportunity to do what she does best - blow the roof of the mother.

Cher spends the movie being Cher, because she's already proven that she can act and made one of the greatest movies of all time *cough* Moonstruck *cough* and my god people she's a goddamn national treasure!  What more do you want from her?

Oh, you say you want a patented Cher power ballad?  Alrighty then.  Seriously y'all, this is the show stopper number.  Believe.

Stanley Tucci steals the movie and is amazing and needs to be in everything.  That guy who plays the campaign manager on The Good Wife (tm my Mom) has the Joel Gray role.  Julianne Hough is in it so people can say, "Hey isn't that the girl from Dancing with the Stars?" and then spend the movie waiting for her to show up because FAKEOUT! she's a brunette.   The great Etta James also gets several shout outs because Christina worships her, as one does.

The one casting misstep is Kristen Bell.  I didn't really buy her as the fading star who is eclipsed by newcomer Xtina.  I just kind of sat there wondering, "Veronica Mars?  Really?"  She came off as more petulant than life weary, which is what I think the role really called for.  Although she did get the best line of the entire film:

"I won't be upstaged by some chick with mutant lungs!"

3 tasseled pasties out of 5.  Check it out.

In upcoming movie news, this was one of our trailers. I have no idea what this movie is about, but you pretty much had me at chicks with swords blowing shiz up in slow motion while the levee breaks. With robots! It's like director Zack Snyder made this movie just for me.

Totally awesome gift idea for the badass in your life

I don't have words to adequately express how much I love this bag.

Each duffle is custom crafted from the turnout coat you provide.

VALOR overnight bag by etsy crafter CLEVERSCENE via Neatorama

Friday, November 26, 2010

Totally geektastic gift ideas for the fanboy and nerdgirl in your life - 2010

It's the day after Thanksgiving, friends. Let the shopping begin!

The Enochian translates to, "Peace out, douchewad".

Yes, I've already ordered one.  Yes, it is just that awesome.

Enochian sigil tees by SoupGnats

via LogicandLove

Stay warm, live long and prosper with the Vulcan greeting hoodie.

Sadly, these 75th anniversary DC Chucks won't be out until Spring 2011.  Maybe a geektastic idea for Easter then.

via io9

I love my iPhone, but there are times when I miss a physical keyboard.  Think Geek feels my pain.  That's why the developed the blue tooth enabled flip out keyboard.

Naturally Apple laughs at my pain. That's why it's not compatible with the 3G.

Break out the footie pajamas and burst your bonds!  It's ...


Thundarr the Barbarian: The Complete Series at the wbshop.com via io9.

And finally, don't forget the reason for the season ...

Sweet fancy Moses it's Christ on a Cracker!

Previously on wax|wendy - 2009 gift guide

Monday, November 8, 2010

#Musicmonday: Shelby Lynne and Willie Nelson "Angel Flying Too Close to the Ground"

Gwyneth Paltrow really, really wants to be a singer.  And her "Country Strong" isn't a bad song.  It's not the song's fault.  The song probably wishes Shelby Lynne had gotten first crack at it too.

Monday, November 1, 2010

#Musicmonday: Maurissa and Jed "Remains"

*sigh*  I miss Dollhouse.

Was Topher always that buff?


via io9

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

And I thought they smelled bad on the outside

DC got eleventy inches of snow earlier this year.  While it's too early to predict if the coming winter will be as harsh, that's no reason not to be prepared.   If you found yourself trapped in a blizzard with no shelter, would you know what to do?

Well you will after reading Cutting Open an Animal and Crawling Inside to Survive During a Storm in the Wild.  Author MTL offers invaluable advice and recommendations ... that could save your life!

Crustaceans?  While delicious to eat, they're not going to provide you much cover:
Their crunchy exoskeletons crack and chip easily. Their segmented bodies fall apart under duress. They have no souls, so they provide no warmth.
Nope.  You're screwed, dude.
Bald Eagle?  Don't even think about it.

You'll want something with a little more square footage in the chest cavity.  But don't imagine it's going to be easy.  Careful planning and forethought - that and a steaming carcass - are your only hope.
Weigh your options carefully before tangling with a moose ... the best way to catch a moose is to tame a wolf pack and sick it on the moose. 
Maybe Bison are more your speed ... if you can run them down:
They aren't afraid of shit. Bison expert Jim Pisarowics puts it well when he says, "they usually appear peaceful, unconcerned, even lazy, yet they may attack anything, often without warning or apparent reason." And when they come at you it's at 35 mph with a head the size of a truck engine and two razor sharp horns. In a word: gangster.
But lest you think COACISSW is all just macho bluster and posturing, it's not.  MTL knows you can't survive an apocalypse if you don't take care of yourself.
It's a common misconception that survivalism and appendage maintenance are mutually exclusive. Nothing could be further from the truth.  I never leave home without my mani/pedi set.  I can't think of a more enjoyable way to spend several hours inside a moose than rejuvenating my feet with a combination of coconut oil, lanolin, and vegetable glycerin.
via Neatorama

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Squashes and gourds living together. It will be anarchy!

Have you gotten your pumpkin yet?  I hope you got a bunch, because Pink Raygun has more carving templates than you can shake a proton pack at.  There's one for each fandom - zombies and Time Lords and hunters, oh my!

He slimed me Ray ...

Halloween Pumpkin Carving Templates - Pink Raygun.com

Previously on wax|wendy: ASTRONAUT!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Lambic Pentameter: The Noun Game

The fabulous Duchess Jane Beth has started a photo project, and you should join in.  Here's how it works:

Go to her Week Seven post.  Watch the comments and pick a noun - or suggest one of your own.  Take pictures inspired by said noun, and upload them to Flickr, in the dedicated game group.  If there's a story behind the noun/photo, feel free to share.

Read more about the genesis of the game here.

Now go forth and shoot!